


Get Off My Roof!

by Thrushsong_kVaris



Category: Magic Kaito, 名探偵コナン | Detective Conan | Case Closed
Genre: Gen, Inspired By Tumblr, hopefully y'all find this as amusing as I thought it was while writing, most of the fic is Shinichi being ridiculous and sleep deprived, rated t for swearwords, the muses saw this post and ran with it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,301
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27057277
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thrushsong_kVaris/pseuds/Thrushsong_kVaris
Summary: Shinichi hears footsteps on his roof in the middle of the night and is not pleased.
Relationships: Kudou Shinichi | Edogawa Conan & Kuroba Kaito | Kaitou Kid
Comments: 14
Kudos: 125





	Get Off My Roof!

**Author's Note:**

> As said in the tags, this was inspired by a tumblr post, specifically [this one](https://incorrectdetectiveconan2.tumblr.com/post/182166155871/incorrectdetectiveconan2-so-you-know-how-in)  
> by incorrectdetectiveconan2. The muses saw it and decided I needed to write a saga of shenanigans to go with it.

Kudo Shinichi was a light sleeper. It was a habit he’d developed in response to his parents’ own habit of setting off on trips while he was asleep. It had been unfortunate the first few weeks as Conan, until he’d finally managed to classify Kogoro’s stumbling to bed late at night as ‘not dangerous’ so that his brain would let him fall back asleep after the man woke him up. Admittedly, his poor sleeping habits meant that when he did sleep, he tended to wake up only enough to identify what had woken him before (in most cases) immediately falling back asleep.

Waking up from hearing noises _on his roof_ was not one of those cases. He listened more carefully for a moment—and, yes, those were definitely human footsteps, not a raccoon or other animal. It would be just his luck that the night Haibara finally deemed it ‘safe’ for Kudo Shinichi to return would be the night some criminal decided that the Kudo house would be a great place to rob. And of course, the footsteps were now headed towards his window. Mentally thanking his paranoia, Shinichi slid the dart-watch out from under his pillow, curling his hand loosely over the face. He kept his breathing even as he watched the window through slit eyes, careful to keep his muscles relaxed to maintain the appearance of sleep. (His best shot would be to dart the criminal as they were climbing in through the window, as they’d be clearly outlined by the moonlight shining into the room from behind them.)

He blinked in surprise as the window opened without any visible source of propulsion, eyes widening slightly as during that blink, a figure had appeared on his windowsill. Shinichi instinctively pressed the button to fire the dart, and the figure dropped to the floor with a startled yelp. He warily pushed himself upright, freezing momentarily when the intruder stood back up (ohshit are they immune like Gin was?!) before aiming the beam of his watch-light straight into the intruder’s face.

They instantly recoiled, arm covering their face before Shinichi could see it clearly, but the dark cloth of their sleeve sent Shinichi’s mind onto overdrive. The takedown must have missed one of Them, he needed to get out of here but they hadn’t revealed their weapon yet he couldn’t risk trying to run and getting taken out from behind—!

The dark figure tried to dodge the light from his watch, but Shinichi moved it to follow them, desperately trying to read what little of their body language he could see to gauge when they would strike.

“Ack! Would you _stop_ trying to blind me?!”

“NO!” Shinichi hissed. The intruder sounding…oddly familiar…didn’t change that they obviously did not have Shinichi’s well-being in mind.

“Cruel. I thought we were friends, Meitantei.” The theatrically heartbroken response combined with the familiar nickname finally allowed Shinichi to process past his initial reaction of ‘dark clothed criminal = Black Org’.

“KID,” he said flatly, “Why the hell are you breaking into my house at,” he turned his watch upwards to glance at the time, “seriously?! three AM!” Shinichi was tempted to shine the light back in the thief’s face as petty revenge for waking him in the dead of night.

“Ah…I didn’t think you’d be awake?” The shadows from the watch-light must have made Shinichi’s glare truly frightening, as seeing it caused the thief to visibly flinch and hurriedly continue his explanation. “I wasn’t planning to do anything, I swear! I just heard the news and wanted to check on you.”

“…at three AM.” The thief nodded in agreement and Shinichi ran a hand over his face. Why couldn’t the idiot just check on him during the day like a normal person? –Oh, yeah, that would require KID to be sane. “Right. As you can see, I’m clearly fine, so please leave and let me go back to sleep.”

With an aggrieved huff, KID turned towards the window. Shinichi was tempted to literally kick the thief out when KID grumbled, “You’re no fun, Meitantei.” as he reached the windowsill.

~

Somehow, that encounter had encouraged KID to continue visiting the Kudo manor at unpredictable hours of the day or night. (Shinichi wasn’t about to admit that he didn’t actually mind, as long as the thief brought him sufficient bribes of coffee.) Occasionally the thief would deliver a heist notice, but more often they would end up talking (read: debating) from one subject to another…until the caffeine wore off and Shinichi fell back asleep.

~

“You know, Meitantei, you really should get a better security system.”

“As if that would stop you.”

“Well, no, but the one you have now wouldn’t stop a petty thief, much less an actual criminal.”

“KID, did you just imply that thieves aren’t actual criminals?”

“I have _heard you_ talk about your cases, Meitantei.”

~

“KID, if you want to check on me without being noticed, maybe you shouldn’t use _pure white doves_ to do it.”

“Why, Meitantei, whatever made you think I don’t want you to notice?”

“…because you don’t want me to think you’re a creepy stalker?”

“Exactly, that’s why I let you know it’s me!”

“Ugh…”

~

“No. No, KID just…Go away. Shoo!”

“Did you just tell me to _shoo_? Oi!”

“I swear, if you don’t leave right now, this soccer ball will decapitate you.”

“I thought there’s never an understandable reason to kill someone?”

“For you, I’ll make an exception.”

~

“You shouldn’t leave the lights on when you—Wait, Meitantei, you’re awake? Why are you still up?”

“Case, obviously.”

“…When’s the last time you actually slept? Or ate actual real food?”

“Mmm…not important. Need to catch the culprit before the next victim.”

“You won’t catch _anyone_ if you pass out from exhaustion.”

~

When Shinichi finally made it home after a week-long serial murder investigation, he was so exhausted he didn’t take the time to do more than empty his pockets before collapsing on this bed and immediately passing out. Waking up what felt like mere minutes later to the sound of footsteps on his roof had Shinichi growling in frustration. Staggering out of bed, he slammed the window open to shout at the idiot who had once again disturbed his sleep.

“Get off my roof, KID, I don’t have time for your bullshit!”

“What the fuck.”

Shinichi blinked as the footsteps rapidly backed away from his window. That…that was not KID. There was a random criminal on his roof…his sleep deprived brain promptly decided that he needed to catch them.

Miraculously, Shinichi managed to climb onto the roof and stumble his way across it towards where the criminal was crouched. He stopped about five feet away, trying to figure out what—oh, that was the rope they must have used to get up here.

“I can’t believe I thought _you_ were KID.”

“Shit!” the man jumped, slipped slightly as he landed, and resumed cussing as he reached into his jacket.

Shinichi saw the gun’s outline as the man reached for it and fired his dart-watch just as the criminal started to turn around. Absently, Shinichi noted it was a good thing this part of the roof wasn’t very steep; it would have been annoying to have to catch the now-unconscious probably-assassin to keep him from sliding off the roof. Cautiously, Shinichi approached and removed the failed criminal’s weapons (a total of two guns plus assorted knives) before roughly tying the man up with the rope that had been hanging off the edge of his roof.

“What the—”

Turning swiftly, Shinichi raised one of the confiscated guns to ward off this new intruder—

“Whoa! I’m not going to hurt you, Meitantei,” the white-clad intruder raised his arms in surrender and Shinichi belatedly recognized the thief perched on his chimney.

“KID,” he greeted tiredly as he stood and shoved the gun in his pocket, noting that he hadn’t actually released the safety—if there had been another assassin it wouldn’t have helped much—he _really_ needed to sleep. He started back across the roof towards his room, windmilling his arms as he leaned a bit too far sideways.

“Careful!” KID caught his arm and Shinichi blinked in confusion as he was pulled towards the center of the roof. Was the thief worried? He hadn’t been _that_ off-balance…KID must not have seen him climbing around earlier. “What are you doing up here, Meitantei?”

“Thought you were on the roof and told you to go away. But it wasn’t you, it was him; so I caught him and now I’m going back to sleep.” When the thief’s only response was to cover his face with one hand, Shinichi turned and tried to go back to the edge of the roof—it took him longer than it should have to realize the reason he wasn’t moving was because KID was still holding his arm. Huffing, he turned and demanded, “Let go.”

“What? No. Meitantei, I’m not letting you fall off the roof.”

“I won’t fall,” Shinichi protested. His eyes caught movement behind the thief and he added absently, “Oh, the dart must be wearing off now, I should—”

“You should stay away,” KID said emphatically, before darting across the roof towards the movement.

Shinichi considered going to help, but decided KID would be able to handle the thug—he was going back to sleep. He retraced his path towards the roof edge above his window and laid flat to stick his head over the edge. _How did I manage to get up here again?_ He ignored the noises coming from the other end of the roof as he tried to remember. _Right, I climbed onto the windowsill and grabbed the roof from there._ So if he hung off the edge of the roof his feet should be able to reach his window.

He had just slid one of his legs off the roof when KID grabbed him again. “Meitantei, _what are you doing?_ ” the thief hissed.

Frowning, Shinichi responded flatly, “Climbing back to my room.” _Obviously._ He started to lower his other leg off the roof, only to yelp in surprise as KID yanked him back up and shoved him so that the thief was between Shinichi and the roof’s edge. Now thoroughly annoyed, Shinichi ignored the thief’s continued grip and flopped sideways onto the roof tiles with a groan. “What do you have against me sleeping?”

“I’m not about to let you fall to your death because you’re so tired you can’t think straight.”

“You knocked the guy out with sleeping gas and duct-taped him to the chimney,” he informed the thief with a glare.

“Okay, it’s good that you can remember what’s happening, but—“

“I didn’t look,” Shinichi interrupted, vindictively pleased when KID spluttered in surprise.

“You—what—” KID dropped his face into his hand, “I’m still not letting you fall off the roof.”

“I told you I’m not going to fall!”

“You know what, I’m done arguing with you,” KID retorted. Shinichi squawked in protest as he was slung over the thief’s shoulder. He could feel the blood rushing to his head and closed his eyes as the headache he’d been ignoring since he woke up returned with a vengeance.

“KID, put me down.”

“Not yet, Meitantei,” the thief replied.

Shinichi didn’t bother to argue; he recognized the thief’s unyielding tone of voice. The next few minutes passed in a blur of indistinct motion as Shinichi focused on trying not to make his pounding headache worse. The abrupt light-headedness as he was set back on his feet didn’t help either his headache or his balance, and Shinichi felt himself sway rather alarmingly before KID caught him again.

“Thanks,” Shinichi muttered tiredly, letting himself lean on the thief as his dizziness slowly abated.

“O-oi, are you all right?”

“Fine, I’m fine,” Shinichi flapped a hand dismissively at KID. He considered pulling away from the thief to prove his point…but he was _exhausted_ …not moving it was then.

“That was completely unconvincing, Meitantei,” KID retorted, blinking when the detective failed to respond, “…Meitantei?” Shaking the detective’s shoulder yielded only a discontented grumble and said detective leaning more heavily onto KID. He couldn’t quite smother the laugh that bubbled up, “Oh, so _now_ you’re asleep. You couldn’t have done this earlier?”

Smiling with fond amusement, KID easily lifted Meitantei and carried him the remaining distance from the window to his bed, his smile fading slightly as he registered again how light the detective was. Meitantei really needed to take better care of himself…KID would adjust his visits and start bringing food. He’d probably have to argue the detective into eating it, but if all else failed he could embarrass Meitantei with reminders of having been dangerously illogical the last time the detective had failed to take care of himself. That decided, he checked again to insure Meitantei was actually staying asleep before returning to the roof.

_Now,_ KID thought, eyeing the man still taped to the chimney, _what shall I do with this idiot?_

~

The officers on duty at Beika’s police department that night were bewildered by the sudden appearance of an unconscious and thoroughly duct-taped man in their interrogation rooms without anyone (including the man currently covered in neon duct-tape) having been sighted, even on the security cameras. The presence of a note attached to the man’s chest detailing a list of laws he should be charged with breaking and several evidence bags containing weapons only increased their bewilderment, as the note was signed by Kaitou KID.

(An irritated Nakamori-keibu later confirmed that yes, that was a legitimate KID signature, and no, he had no idea why the damned thief had dropped some thug in their department, stop asking him to explain the insane bastard’s actions!)

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed this bit of ridiculousness :)  
> I keep forgetting to mention I have a tumblr, y'all can check it out [here](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/thrushsong-kvaris) if you want.


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